10 Awesome Truths To Help You Get the Best Love and Sex of Your Life
“The Truth Shall Make you Free.” Believe it or not, the Biblical phrase is engraved into the lobby of CIA headquarters in Langley, Virginia. It should likewise be etched into your bedpost. If you want to up your sexual game, you’ll need to separate fact from fiction, myth from reality. Sexual knowledge is key.
Kelsey Borresen listed some of the most important fact-based ins and outs (pun intended) on the heat generated when bodies make contact. See and feel the sexual knowledge – we set out some of her findings below.
1. Myth: masturbation means you’re not into your partner
Reality: Both sex therapist Janet Brito and clinical sexologist Gigi Engle concur that solo sex acts are just normal activities whether in or outside of a relationship. While some women may be especially prone to the fear that men only masturbate when they don’t find their girlfriends or wives appetizing enough, that just isn’t true.
The experts inform us that even men who are married to supermodels routinely masturbate; it’s simply the pull of nature, so to speak. Brito says that masturbation can even enhance a relationship, because it gives you direct, hands-on knowledge of your own body—knowledge that you can pass to your partner during your next intimate encounter. Interestingly enough, while many women are ambivalent, shy or even embarrassed about performing the act, men tend to be eager.
One study found that wives grew angry at their husbands for masturbation (especially if porn was an aid), while the husbands themselves had no such qualms about their wives bringing themselves to climax; indeed, the overwhelming majority of men in one study wanted to watch their partner bring herself off. How about that for sexual knowledge? Purr….
2. Myth: Vagina= Vulva
Reality: Men in particular often refer to the entire outer and inner female genitalia as just “the vagina.” In fact, “vagina” is actually the shortened form of vaginal canal. The vaginal canal opening is part of the vulva, but in addition to the canal, the vulva includes all outer genitalia: labial folds, clitoris, and opening to the urethra.
It’s important to know all of this biology (and more) about our bodies for many reasons. First, it helps us maintain our reproductive health. Secondly, different parts of our genitalia offer different pleasure points that we can capitalize on.
Thirdly, if you’ve got a guy in your life, you’ll have to school him on your stuff down there if he’s going to have any chance to really please you. Lastly, giving your guy sexual knowledge of your lady bits should shake out any remaining patriarchal mindset he may have.
3. Myth: the clitoris is that tiny little button down there
Reality: This is actually called the glans, the only visible part of the set of tissues that constitute the clitoris. Sometimes this highly sensitive organ can be up to five inches long, nearly all of it internal. This jibes with what we’ve written about so often: much of a woman’s pleasure package is actually within the body, out of sight, and therefore cannot be penetrated by a penis.
Female genitalia can often best be stimulated through a variety of touches, caresses, tongue actions and much more. And no, guys, pushing on the glans doesn’t automatically generate a female orgasm. So don’t keep pressing it like a video game console. Instead, caress…finesse….lick….kiss….and love it.
4. Myth: Porn Realistically Portrays Sex
Reality: Just…no. The two are entirely different. Here’s something to keep in mind: most studio porn movies are shot on extremely tight budgets over extremely short timelines on a very small rented space. The entire thing is usually done for under US$25,000. Crews start at breakfast and finish by lunch.
Under these conditions, the plot, if you could call it that, is simplified: characters meet, exchange a few words and then begin grinding on one another, both eventually noisily climaxing together.
The film structure is not only economical but suits many male consumers, who want to get right to the action, especially if the movie is simply used as an aid to a few minutes of masturbation. Sexual knowledge goes beyond.
Unfortunately, the final product looks nothing like actually fulfilling sex, particularly from a woman’s perspective. Women need more foreplay, kissing, and caresses to bring them anywhere close to satisfaction.
The truth is that, unlike porn (or even Hollywood movies), the vast majority of women cannot meet a guy in a nightclub restroom, get wet, hop on his joystick, climax in 5 minutes, pull up her skirt, and then carry on back to the bar.
Unfortunately, this porn-informed vision is becoming dominant in Western culture—and beyond. As one British-educated Hong Kong investment banker, Cindy (23), said, “Both I and my boyfriend learned about sexual knowledge though the Internet. We had to unlearn it all to have a truly happy sex life.”
5. “Baby, let me be your candy licker.” –Marvin Sease, Candy Licker
“Take a bite of peach,” Laura Dern, Wild at Heart
Myth: Men don’t like eating you out
Reality: They love it. In fact, a 2016 Canadian university study reported that 93% of men would love to have you sit on their faces. They enjoy the scent, the twirl of your legs over their heads, and, emotionally, the closeness. Perhaps most importantly, more than a few men know that we love it, and so they want to please us this way.
Nevertheless, as with their penises, some men worry that they will not be able to perform with their tongues. In such circumstances, help him along: encourage, advise, guide and then…enjoy the ride to Wonderland. Knowing yourselves well is also part of sexual knowledge, a little goes a long way in the heavenly realm of pleasure!
6. “Lack of orgasm during sex is one of the most common complaints I hear from women in my practice,” Ian Kerner, sex therapist
Myth: Women don’t care about orgasm
Reality: Women love getting off as much as men. Now, we’ve talked here before about the “orgasm gap.” That is, straight women climax only about 65% of the time in the sack, while about 95% of men—gay or straight—do. Queer women are not too far behind, at about 86%. Research gives you the foundation on sexual knowledge.
Straight women are at the bottom of the rankings for a number of reasons, from men not spending enough time on foreplay (the “hit it and quit it” mindset of too many men) to males just not taking enough time and care during intercourse itself to ensure that their partners are satisfied first.
Experts recommend that men provide much more than penis-in-vagina menu options in order to stimulate a woman to climax. Set the stage beforehand by exchanging sexy texts and talk during the day, and arranging a romantic setting and mood by evening. Scents, candles, oils and soft music always help.
And when the bedroom door closes and things get physical, foreplay has to come first: men should be willing to help women warm up prior to any penetration, and that should include plenty of kissing, licking, gentle touching and caressing around the parts of her body that turn her on.
Most importantly, a man has to prioritize his female partner’s pleasure over his, to help her reach her sexual peaks. All this is part of the sexual knowledge arsenal.
7. “Sex operates on so many dimensions beyond the physical, or in tandem and unique synergy with the physical.” –Liz Afton, sex therapist
Myth: All good sex ends in orgasm
Reality: Orgasms are welcome but not always necessary. Sex is about much more than the sticky stuff all over the mattress at the end. It goes beyond bumping and grinding, building up to a climactic volcano explosion. Rather, sex is spiritual, emotional, and psychological. Within a relationship, the physical closeness itself strengthens bonds—and that holds true even when the bedsheets remain dry in the morning.
Sometimes a couple may just want to spoon, while others want to lock hips for a long, hard ride. But neither encounter has to necessarily end in that orgasmic fire. Sometimes, at the finale, quiet and gentle intimacy is its own reward. True sexual knowledge is knowing when and how to apply the various holistic aspects.
8.“My baby, I’m your backdoor man,” –The Doors
Myth: If he likes anal, he’s secretly gay
Reality: Start with the obvious: straight men and gay men who enjoy anal sex still prefer different partners. Beyond that, Kerner notes that people of all sexual identities and preferences enjoy backdoor action. One expert cautions that sexual preferences do not determine sexual identity, noting that lesbians often enjoy penetrative toys, such as strap-ons, without wanting an actual male partner.
Similarly, just because your guy wants to take you from the rear (or wants you to insert a toy in his) does not mean he secretly wishes you had a penis and huge biceps. “It’s important for folks to realize that behavior and identity do not inform each other,” sums up Professor Ericka Hart.
9. Myth: Porn destroys (hard) penises
Reality: Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is real in both older and younger men, but it stems from a variety of sources, both psychological and physiological. Kerner asserts that anxiety is often a primary culprit in ED, along with myriad other mental issues. There are a variety of medical and psychological treatments for the problem, but stopping porn consumption won’t have any effect.
10. “You can hurt me, do whatever you like.” – She Wants Revenge
Reality: It nearly doesn’t bear repeating, but kink is almost the new normal. Ever since the massive popularity of the 50 Shades book and movie series, online and offline kink stores can hardly keep their shelves stocked. Particularly since the pandemic hit, sales of certain kink toys have risen more than 100%.
If you’ve got time on your hands under lockdown, this may be the perfect opportunity to satisfy your curiosity by ordering something online. However, as we’ve written elsewhere, be sure to educate yourself first in all health and safety aspects before getting into whips, leather and chains.
Share and Act On Your Sexual Knowledge
Hopefully, we’ve managed to kill a few major love and sex myths out there. Visit us here every day for more sexual knowledge bombs about you, your body, and a hot and happy sex and love life. Then, fearlessly use that sexual knowledge as power—in the adult toy store, the bedroom, the board room and beyond.